Friday, March 11, 2011

Top 10 Scenes I’d Like to See on “Who Do You Think You Are?”

or: “10 Scenes You’ll Probably Never See on ‘Who Do You Think You Are’”

10. Scene showing Celebrity sitting at microfilm reader in library. Microfilm roll suddenly snaps, sending film spinning wildly. “@#$% microfilm reader! And I’m out of quarters, too!”

9. Shot of screen. “Our servers are over capacity at this time. Please try again later.”

8. Scene of Genealogist talking to Celebrity. “Um, we were going to get your great-grandfather’s death certificate, but the producers said $75 for a crummy old death certificate is highway robbery.”

7. Shot of screen with Public Member Tree. Genealogist: “OMG, look at this - this moron has Elmira Q. Winkly as the daughter of Hepzibah Tinkly Winkly - who was only four years old at the time of Elmira’s birth! I can’t believe what junk you can find on these trees!”

6. Scene at courthouse basement door. Celebrity: “Yuck, that place is filthy - I’m not going in there!”

5. Celebrity and Genealogist are purposefully tromping across a field to reach a small, overgrown cemetery.  Suddenly Celebrity stops and looks down at shoe with a look of dismayed recognition slowly creeping over her face.  Chagrined genealogist:  “Um, yeah, I forgot to mention - the cemetery is in the middle of a cow pasture....”

4. Genealogist and Celebrity at front desk of repository. Employee at desk: “Oh, that old stuff? We dumped it ages ago - we had to make room for the new gift store.”

3. Scene in home of Celebrity’s Relative. Celebrity asks Relative about Grandpa Bolter. Relative screams at Celebrity: “Don’t you ever mention that skunk’s name around here again! We don’t talk about that branch of the family!”

2. Shot of screen: “Someone is already logged on to your account. If it is not you, please call xxx-xxx-xxxx between the hours of 9:00 and 5:00 EST to report a problem. If you are logged on on another computer, log off and try again.”

1. Scene of Genealogist reporting to Celebrity: “Sorry, all of your ancestors were farmers and day laborers. They all got married, stayed married, and stayed together. They committed no crimes, never sued one another in court, and were involved in no disasters. To be quite honest with you, your ancestors were boring!” (Oh, wait a minute - this is what happens with celebrities who don’t make it to the final cut. Off camera, of course.)


  1. Bravo, Greta! The celebrity's shoes were, of course, Jimmy Choo or Prada, right?

  2. All great, but, think # 7 may be my fav! Course, when I stop laughing so hard, I will wipe away the tears and try again - -


  3. Too funny, Greta! Congrats on being named to FTM's 40 top blogs, by the way.

  4. Thanks for starting my weekend out right - with a really good laugh!

  5. Perfect post for Friday night and I've been laughing a few minutes now. Thanks for the treat.

  6. ROTFLOL. Excuse me, the cemetery is the cornfield AND the cow pasture.

  7. Oops, I meant BETWEEN the cornfield AND the cow pasture.

  8. 11. The celebrity clicks on a link that hints at having the exact info needed, only to get "404 Not Found
    The requested URL was not found on this server."

  9. Thanks for the laugh! It would certainly make the show more realistic ... lol

  10. My family just doesn't understand how I can be laughing out loud and yet NOT watching any moronic YouTube video! They've stopped rushing over to the computer asking me what is so funny ;-)

    These are just ALL too true!! Loved 5 - tromped through some of those places myself...but I was wearing appropriate clothing.

  11. Hilarious, Greta! (I was wishing for a No. 3 last night as I rewatched the Kim Catrall episode!)

  12. So true!! Love it.

  13. Almost spit coffee all over the screen from laughing so hard! Thanks, Greta!

  14. It's #8 for me. I'm always so jealous of the amount of money they have to throw around on this stuff.


  15. Greta, keep it up and you might have your own TV show. Laughed alot -- loved it.

  16. Susan - That would be so neat if they were!

    Carol - I couldn't resist putting #7... especially since the Cattrall tree thing.

    Tina - Thank you!

    Cynthia - Yes, messy hair and Jimmy Choo shoes in a cow pattie - doesn't get any better!

    Nina - Yeah, that's what I thought: "The real life of a genealogist."

    Diana - I know what you mean about families not understanding genealogy humor ... though I may be starting to have an effect on my husband and children. They are starting to say, "Oh, they can't do that!"

    T.K. - If any of these could happen on screen, I'd say it would be #3.

    Travis - The thought that I could write to cause someone to spit coffee on the screen brings a smile to my face!

    Dorene, Michelle, Barbara, Linda, RAH, Lisa, TC, Heather - Thank you all for your kind comments!

  17. Judy - Yes! #8 was actually the first one I thought of.

    Joan - You are too kind. Though a genealogy comedy sounds really high-concept and kinda fun....

    Kerry - Thanks!

  18. Too funny, Greta - laughed until I almost cried! I dub you "Most Humorous Blogger!"

  19. I love it Greta! Great post! Good laugh ~ we all need those now and again! Congratulations on the top 40 too! :-)

  20. Excellent! I am sure that most of these thoughts have occurred to most of the genealogists watching the show! Doesn't it look just so easy?

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  22. Great post -- and all perfectly realistic! I've often wondered how many celebrities the producers had to go through before they found the ones with fascinating enough discoveries to warrant a one hour show! Such is TV Production!